Marta Mari. Theatre Director. Arts Manager

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Physical Self

1/2/2012

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Years ago I read somewhere that in order to feel happy we need to live in harmony with our four spheres: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. I do believe that.

An actress I worked with years ago once said that successful people are the people that have their shit together. I consider my shit to be my four spheres. They are far from harmony. So I decided to work on them.

It started off after a visit to physiotherapy several days ago where I was sent by my doctor due to severe back pain. The physiotherapist asked me how I usually feel in the morning. Like I’m eighty years old-I replied. I’ve been living with this pain for a long time; I sort of accepted its presence in my life or maybe not, otherwise there would be no point going to physio I reckon. Anyway, after asking me all sorts of questions for 45 minutes she decided that the best way forward is for me to do three very simple exercises every day for the next two weeks. Yeah, right like this is going to help me I told her smiling friendly. I left agreeing only with one thing-I need to exercise to get my muscles stronger. As I never take things lightly, the next day I go for a Swiss ball Pilates. I worry a bit as my form is the worst ever, my back hurts and I hate not being able to do things in a gym. The class is rather easy as I don’t feel tired. Half way through the class I only think how to kill the guy as at 9 am on Saturday Pilates class he plays TECHNO music!!! Talking about appropriateness! (Dexter, where are you?) I’m leaving disappointed with a headache. I’m never coming back to that class cause in any ways it’s rubbish. I’m one of those people that need to be half alive after a workout to consider it worthwhile. I felt nowhere near that even with my weight and non-existent form. The only thing this class made me think about was the fact that somewhere and somehow I lost my competitiveness. I used to be so competitive in sports…I want that back!

 Several years ago, when I thought my form was great I went to this kickboxing fitness class. It was in Poland and the guy was sort of obsessed. At the first lesson I couldn’t keep up with him at all. The second the same. The third the same. The fourth a bit better but still. Mother fucker-I thought! I’m in. It took me about 3 months (2-3 times a week) to be able to do everything he did. I watched people come and go as most of them were not able to keep up. I heard women in a dressing room complaining about the level of the class. Fuck them, I felt great! I then went for a run and stopped after an hour not because I was tired but because I was bored. I want that back!

But it’s so damn difficult. It must be one of the most difficult things to start over the intense workouts after years of doing nothing-well maybe yoga and swimming on occasions… And on top of things I am doing a week long, seven hours a day physical theatre workshop. What am I thinking?!  It all boils down to one thing-motivation. But it’s not that simple. I am still to find my inner motivation. The search is on…


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