Marta Mari. Theatre Director. Arts Manager

Many people in Scotland ask me if I plan to RETURN to Poland. I find that question a bit annoying to be honest, considering the fact that I've been living abroad 1/3 of my life. I may be somewhat over-sensitive about it but the word 'return' has an annoying subtext to me. I conciously decided I didn't want to live in Poland. To me it requires way to many compromises that I don't want to make. It's as simple as that. I was never forced by anything to leave, therefore I neither anticipate nor think about 'return'. I visit Poland often but as soon as I land I know why I left. People are judged in Poland by what they have, how they look and who they know. There is no such thing as a common good. People care about their individual possessions but hardly ever about common goods. As long as a dog doesn't shit in their garden anywhere else is fine. A woman that lives on the first floor of a ten story building is very much against installation of a driveway in the back of the building for a disabled person that lives on the ground floor because she's convinced she'd get robbed. And it doesn't matter that without it the man cannot function independently. I'm not even going to start about the newest cars parked in disabled spaces in the supermarket lot. After all, the owner needs to be seen by everyone going in and out of the supermarket. And in the streets there is a never-ending fashion show. Young mothers taking children to play parks in super high hills, perfect make up and purses with obnoxious designer's logo-the bigger the better. The child asks the mother to push him on the swing and the woman replies that there is sand all over and she cannot walk there in those hills. Next time, she says to a disappointed child. In the street I meet a colleque-teacher I used to work with at school. We stop for a quick coffee and a chat. Surely, you've heard of a 'sunshine'-very popular game 13-14 year olds play-it was on the news, she says. I haven't so she explains. A 14 year old girl gets pregnant. They ask her who is a father. She says she doesn't know-and all because of this sunshine game. She then describes the game: a group of girls lies on the floor on their backs with heads together in the centre (creating the shape of a sun). They are naked from waist down. They close their eyes. And then, there is a group of boys. Can you imagine what follows? No wonder she doesn't know who the father is. There are hundreds of reasons like that that discourage me to my home country. Not that it affects me personally, but I cannot not see, not know. I don't want my daughter to grow up in such society. These are things a tourist will not see-thank God! But I do. I was then talking on the phone with my husband who is now in Edi telling him about my latest observations. And you are surprised because? He asked. Because everytime I come to Poland I naively hope things have changed for better. And everytime I end up more disappointed. My best friend believes that people can be divided into those that we miss and those we don't. Places are like that too. Despite it all, I like Poland -it's a great place to visit. But I miss Scotland.

I have been writing my whole life. It serves so many purposes-it helps me put things in order, express my dreams, preserve precious memories, deal with disappointment, anger, fear and so on. On the other hand, I needed to write to get all the degrees from various schools and now also to apply for funding for various arts projects. There are short stories, several poems, countless diaries, magazine articles, plays and now this blog. Let's see how it goes.... People often ask me if I prefer to write in English or Polish. It depends, so this blog will sometimes be in English, sometimes in Polish. Oh, well...