Balinese Standards

Every now and then people ask me how I like Bali. Equally nice and annoying I tend to answer. What’s annoying? – they wonder. Well, Balinese standards- I usually say. At this point to visitors on holidays here or some that freeze in Europe I must appear as this unappreciating spoiled brat. I don’t think I am, and I think it’s all a matter of perspective…Here are two (for now) examples:

1)      Cleanliness.  An American woman rents a nice villa (there usually is a cleaning woman contracted as well); It is a first day of a house cleaning, the American is getting ready to leave the house so that the cleaning woman can work more comfortably. While she awaits her husband she’s observing the following situation: the cleaning woman gets a bucket and some rugs; she then goes to a nearby fish pond and then gets some water to the bucket. She then goes to the living room and is about to dump the water onto the wooden floor but at the last moment is stopped by the horrified American. It takes some explaining how (not) to clean the floor. I have a maid clean my house twice a week. She’s nice and tries and although she’s been doing it for years there is a long way to a spotless house-maybe by the time I leave I see the house really clean…Thank goodness for geckos and other lizards that keep the house bugs free! (that’s a good standard)

Tuke-rather loud but shy lizard; rarely in the house, though...

2)      Tanpa gula! Means without sugar. Very useful to know especially for those who, like me, don’t like drinks with sugar. Balinese tend to put sugar in EVERYTHING be it a coffee, a fresh juice, an alcoholic drink-anything that’s on the drink menu. Even knowing that every now and then I forget to tell the waiter not to use sugar. I have lately ordered coffee with milk-no sugar. I ordered in Indonesian to be sure the waitress understood. After a while she brings me coffee, I taste it and take a deep breath before I ask why she put sugar in my coffee. She says there is no sugar in the coffee. My husband takes a sip and his face is showing his disgusted reaction to the sweetness of the coffee (and he does use sugar!). Although we are calm, the waitress almost in tears says there is no sugar in my coffee. I don’t want to upset her, but the goddamned coffee is sweet. Make another one and this time I’ll watch you make it, I finally say. I follow her to the kitchen. And this is what I see: she makes a black, regular bitter coffee; then she fills HALF of the cup (literally) with CONDENSED milk and then pours the black coffee over the milk. She then turns to me with a typical Balinese smile and says: see, no sugar… So now when ordering coffee not only I have to say no sugar but also to make sure what kind of milk they’re using. And even then I sometimes get a sweet coffee…

When on holidays these seem funny and unimportant. But when you live here and all you want in the not so good morning is a decent cup of coffee then things like that can really drive anyone mad…

Jus tanpa gula

P.S About a week ago I gave in and we got a kitten from a local shelter. He is adorable, somewhat Siamese and very cuddly. One time after we fed him, my husband noticed the cat didn’t really wash himself. Our three cats back in Edinburgh could endlessly wash not only themselves but also one another and this one- two licks and done. Why are you surprised?- I asked my husband. Haven’t you gotten used to it yet? Used to what?-he asks disoriented. Well, Balinese standard of cleanliness, of course! We both started laughing…Maybe we should name him Standard...