A constant landscape in Bali
I woke up several days ago hoping being in Asia was only a dream and that I would open my eyes and see snow outside the window. Dream on because you’re still in Asia-my sarcastic self said to my naïve self. There came a moment when I though to myself: what a fuck am I doing here? Ok, I live in a beautiful house, swim everyday, don’t have to clean as I have a maid, don’t really have to cook as we eat in restaurants, I take all my laundry to the cleaners, Amelia’s happy, my husband doesn’t complain about getting up to work because he doesn’t work, I got a cat to sooth my heart for missing my cats that are in Scotland, the weather cooled off a bit…
Am I really that ungrateful? What do I want? What’s missing? My husband said that I feel that way because I’m bored. So I decided to open an arts centre here with drama and dance classes….It is exciting, I admit, but somehow doesn’t fill the void. And then it came to me: it’s not boredom that bothers me, it’s a lack of intellectual challenge, lack of being surrounded by creative and therefore inspirational people, lack of the right stimuli…I see fabulous things happening in theatres in Scotland and there is none here…There is not one professional, western actor here in Bali that I know of! I figured long time ago that in order to be happy I need to feel I’m growing, developing, learning…Plus I really value genuine people-with their worries, struggles, joys and hopes.
And here I get an impression that people are everything but genuine. Everyone is always smiling (just like in that TV movie The Prisoner with Sir Ian McKellen), everyone likes to talk about their pembantu (a general house help-they do it all: cleaning, childcare, cooking, shopping, some also massage etc). Many people have businesses here-but again they like to compliment each other on how they treat their WORKING stuff (read: reprimand them). And then there is a talk like…when I was in Thailand I bought this and that, when I was travelling in India the beaches were amazing, and oh, I just went for a colonic, a massage, what spa do you like? They serve this amazing dish in that restaurant etc.
‘I am loving my lifestyle here’- I hear it quite often. What lifestyle? Of doing nothing useful? Of focusing on getting rid of all the hard things in life? And what’s more putting it all on the shoulders of poor Balinese women who before and after their days work at a rich white woman’s house (for roughly $4 a day!) go to their own households and children? Lifestyle of endless spas and moving from one restaurant to another and either engaging in small talks with friends alike or sitting in front of a computer on Facebook? People even speak slowly here- that drives me mad!
Is there any genuine satisfaction of any kind in that lifestyle? Doesn’t that usually come from hard work and conquering obstacles and doing something useful? I believe that life should be hard sometimes so we can appreciate and know what happiness is. It is a banal belief, I know, but isn’t it true? I feel sorry for those women whose children love and cuddle to their nannies more than their mothers. I really do. Raising children is hard. Sometimes we all have enough and need a rest but hey, that’s real life! See The Prisoner and you’ll know what I’m talking about! I AM GENUINELY SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT!
Some time ago I’ve met this 82 years old Japanese professor of cultural anthropology (an extremely rare event) and when I told him life in Bali annoyed me, he smiled and said that it is because there is no change here. There are no seasons here-all the time the same weather, and so people don’t prepare for the change; they don’t know a change. And with that sentence the professor summarised it all for me. That’s why I like people smarter than me: ‘there is no change here’. And I am all about change-for me change is life. I often don’t know what day of the week it is. If I didn’t host a Polish Christmas Eve party I wouldn’t know it was Christmas…Despite all your beauty and good things I don’t love you, Bali. I don’t belong here.
Am I really that ungrateful? What do I want? What’s missing? My husband said that I feel that way because I’m bored. So I decided to open an arts centre here with drama and dance classes….It is exciting, I admit, but somehow doesn’t fill the void. And then it came to me: it’s not boredom that bothers me, it’s a lack of intellectual challenge, lack of being surrounded by creative and therefore inspirational people, lack of the right stimuli…I see fabulous things happening in theatres in Scotland and there is none here…There is not one professional, western actor here in Bali that I know of! I figured long time ago that in order to be happy I need to feel I’m growing, developing, learning…Plus I really value genuine people-with their worries, struggles, joys and hopes.
And here I get an impression that people are everything but genuine. Everyone is always smiling (just like in that TV movie The Prisoner with Sir Ian McKellen), everyone likes to talk about their pembantu (a general house help-they do it all: cleaning, childcare, cooking, shopping, some also massage etc). Many people have businesses here-but again they like to compliment each other on how they treat their WORKING stuff (read: reprimand them). And then there is a talk like…when I was in Thailand I bought this and that, when I was travelling in India the beaches were amazing, and oh, I just went for a colonic, a massage, what spa do you like? They serve this amazing dish in that restaurant etc.
‘I am loving my lifestyle here’- I hear it quite often. What lifestyle? Of doing nothing useful? Of focusing on getting rid of all the hard things in life? And what’s more putting it all on the shoulders of poor Balinese women who before and after their days work at a rich white woman’s house (for roughly $4 a day!) go to their own households and children? Lifestyle of endless spas and moving from one restaurant to another and either engaging in small talks with friends alike or sitting in front of a computer on Facebook? People even speak slowly here- that drives me mad!
Is there any genuine satisfaction of any kind in that lifestyle? Doesn’t that usually come from hard work and conquering obstacles and doing something useful? I believe that life should be hard sometimes so we can appreciate and know what happiness is. It is a banal belief, I know, but isn’t it true? I feel sorry for those women whose children love and cuddle to their nannies more than their mothers. I really do. Raising children is hard. Sometimes we all have enough and need a rest but hey, that’s real life! See The Prisoner and you’ll know what I’m talking about! I AM GENUINELY SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT!
Some time ago I’ve met this 82 years old Japanese professor of cultural anthropology (an extremely rare event) and when I told him life in Bali annoyed me, he smiled and said that it is because there is no change here. There are no seasons here-all the time the same weather, and so people don’t prepare for the change; they don’t know a change. And with that sentence the professor summarised it all for me. That’s why I like people smarter than me: ‘there is no change here’. And I am all about change-for me change is life. I often don’t know what day of the week it is. If I didn’t host a Polish Christmas Eve party I wouldn’t know it was Christmas…Despite all your beauty and good things I don’t love you, Bali. I don’t belong here.
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